Distance

Today I have decided that I’m going to post some of my poetry hope you enjoy

The difference between black and blue

Is the gray matter that now lives between

Flourishing once into carnal delights

Now the time has come for overview

Your insight is muddled damaged at the least

Tattered are the chances to reconcile

Heartstrings are decapitated

Aimlessly frock licking with whatever opens

No understanding of the anguish you create

Passion enkindled but you found a way

To tear at it piece by piece until it was gone

Making a mockery of what was

No care for the souls you devour

With each curve of your lips hearts flutter

But to one like you, just another notch

Another chance to wet your head

Can one so beautiful be so callous

So condescending, so desensitized

Your heart and soul are colder than an arctic breeze

My mind plays tricks on me, I’m torn betwixt

Knowing you sets me afire one moment

And then drains my essence the next

Never has a human been able to cause such distress

Wanting you to stay close

Not ever wanting to be with out

Damaging my soul with each new day

Waiting for that one moment of realization

Where you will see that it was me all along

Stranding the darkness waiting for the light

Shattered is my conscience, story of a broken heart

Foundations have been built around you

Cracking with each new blow to its center

You walk all over it but still I stay

Biting my tongue at any hint of flaw

Covering up the damage that is you

Asking my self is this how you want me to be, torn

In LOVE with a man who doesn’t love you

Wanting to feel that touch if only for a millisecond

Destroying my frame each time we kiss

Sending me into heaven each time we make love

Forever I wait for the day

When my touch will be enough to take your pain away

With out you my stars disappear leaving my sky dark

But still I ask is this what I want, one sided love

Looking at our picture makes me heavyhearted

Untangling myself from you a little at a time

Will it always be this struggle to get you to see

I don’t know how much more I can take before I implode

I know what the difference between black and blue is…

Its you

Train up a child…

This morning as I got to work I was doing my daily ritual of checking out all the websites to see what new information I could learn and I came across this picture.  When I saw this picture I felt a chill run through my body. Its amazing how much one image can say to a person without speaking one word. So this little boy was invited to the White House and he was given permission to ask President Obama one question. His question was can I touch your hair to see if its like mine? I just wanted to post that because I felt that this picture right here is the picture of the hope for our children. This little boy had to verify that Obama was truly like him, I don’t know maybe I’m looking to much into the picture but it just touched me in my spirit.  Children now don’t have to feel like they can only be the stereotypical rapper or athletic player, you can achieve greatness with hard work, determination, strong family background, morals, and values.

Mr. TxtBrkrUpr

Dear Text Break upper,

 

            So it’s been a while since I have spoken to you but really did you ever really hear my voice in the first place. You sir enjoyed the simplicity and the non scariness of texting versus phone conversation.  I had to change my plan to unlimited with the amount of texts I was getting from you. I mean with the job that you have and that I will have you can’t really be on the phone all the time. So  I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy the random winks, walk bys, giggles, etc that would pass between us….but alas it wasn’t meant to be. After reading Damon’s blog at Thismayconcernyou.com I decided it was time to really finally put this thing to rest. You Mr. Text Breaker upper you hurt me in 130 words or less. I sat and ridiculed myself countless times trying to decipher the flaws that I must have to make you have the audacity to end it the way you did. Over the months I have came to the realization that you and I were not right for each other. You see I’m glad that we got to be together but I knew that it wouldn’t have worked out for the best. One, you smoke and I didn’t realize this when we first started dating/talking because I never smelled the cancer sticks, but once I realized that you have to smoke every night before you went to bed then yea that wasn’t a good sign I want to live. Two, people with attachment issues are just not great to be in a relationship with. You had way too many attachments that would have only had me jealous or yearning for something more half the time than really enjoying the relationship. Three, dating people you work with is always a tricky situation. I know me I get excited about things and then I tell my friends, who then get more excited and tell their friends and now look everyone knows that we are dating. So then they start watching you and trying to find flaws or see if you come in happy or sad, and then there is that akward phase of trying to ignore each other it’s just ridiculous really. Four, religion plays a major part in my life my father’s a preacher, my mother’s a deaconess, my grandparents were elders of their churches. I’m just at the point in my life where I’m trying to really see where I fit in my religion and you being the anti religion, anti god person you are it would have been nothing but arguments if ever you would have come around my family. But even though it didn’t work out I’m glad I did get the opportunity to date a man who appreciates a woman, a man who isn’t afraid to tell you look beautiful in the mornings, one who loves being a man, opening doors, walks on the beach, walks down town, that slight cockiness that you possessed, the way your smile is kinda crooked, the way you would look at me before you left or went to sleep, see you showing me these things has only made me want to have them in my next relationship. You see Mr. Text breaker upper you showed me the yin and the yang of how I want my relationships to be like. You showed me that I didn’t need some big tall guy that is more focused on his self. I need someone who wants to love me and will do anything to keep that love with me. You showed me that even as you ended it with me to go back to someone with whom you had history with. You showed me that it should be a requirement for a man to text/call you at random times of the day just to tell you that you’re beautiful, that thinking about you made their day better, that they can’t stop thinking about the way you walk, that they just love everything about you. You showed me a man should want to be out in public with you, that you can just walk and have a good time, that you didn’t just have to sit in a house all day and just watch TV. You showed me the power of love to pull you back to the things that really matter the most to you. In a way I found myself with you. So to you Mr. TxtBrkrUpr thanks again for the love you showed me and the pain you put me thru. It all worked out in the end.

 

Sincerely,

Turtle

Throwback Tuesday

So I missed last tuesday…why?? The truth is that I was being lazy lol. Well since today is Tuesday here ya go with your throwback jams of the day…..

First up I was in a TLC mood so here’s Waterfalls

After I enjoyed that selection from TLC I said I need some Janet in my life so…..

And just in case you didn’t get enough from this Throwback Tuesday I have included one more jam just in case I forget or get lazy next week lol.

Isn’t there something about Maxwell, he is just so smooth

If I’m sick why would I be social???

That is the question that I asked myself hour after hour as I was at the probate at ECSU with Blue and White last weekend. So as I enjoyed the Sigma probate my head suddenly started hurting. I tried to stay interested but to no avail I couldn’t it was a case of the sick Turtles. Thats one thing when I get sick I’m not even going to front I am a baby when I’m sick I need attention, I need comfort, and most of all I need quiet and to be alone. So I made it to the after party, stayed in there about an hour, then I couldn’t take it anymore. So during the time that I left the party a fight broke out where frat got peppersprayed sorors got hit and much more drama. I checked to see if everyone was alright but I still felt like crap so I got back in the car. So we end up having to go to frat house and continue the party there because the cops ran us away. Let me tell you that was the worst five or six hours in my life being coped up in that house with the music on full blast, people strolling everywhere, people drinking, I mean to a sick person this is HELL, to anyone else it would just be fun. So after a constant struggle of trying to fall asleep in the chair I finally got up and went outside and sat in the cold on the porch thinking that would make my head feel better. So as you can see so far I was sick, when you are sick are you a very social person, talking to everyone, or are you a person who would rather deal with it by yourself. Anyway with all the sickness going on I still have to be to work at 2pm that day. So I feel more horrible than usual because I haven’t had any sleep and I’m sick. So around 6am frat says lets go. So we hop in the car and start driving. Now heres another question, if you were peppersprayed 6hours ago would you have been drinking at a party afterward??? Uhm No. So why would this fool yes I called him a fool. Why would this fool want me to drive him back to greenville a 1.5 hour drive from Elizabeth City when I haven’t had any sleep, when I have to drive 2.2 hours from Greenville to get back home, and then go to work on top of all that. I call shenanigans…..I mean really are you that selfish that you would make me drive back for you when you know all this. That is straight BS to me. So I drove him all but 39 miles to Greenville when I couldn’t do it anymore because I was swerving and bought sleep the entire trip. I finally make it to G-ville get in my car and drive back home. So later that night I get a FB message from him telling me how rude I am. I was like how am I rude when I was sick. Then he is telling me that I showed my true colors. I told him if my true colors mean that I’m a sick person then so be it, I told him it was funny that I didn’t change all those other trips we took together when we went to blue and white together for a week, or the trip to Jersey and New York City. Oh but let me think the only difference was that I wasn’t sick. He is officialy what I call a lame. He then is going to conclude his FB message I’m no WEAK dude….lmfao at his ending. But that shows you that all is not love in these orgs. People expect you to act like your there wife,mother, soror, etc you can’t be all these things to these people. I think more or less he was mad cause I turned him down everytime he attempted to get with me, sorry not my type. So now that I have gotten all this off my chest back to my HAPPINESS.

Remember you don’t need nobody to RIDE or DIE for you because frankly the only one that needed to RIDE or DIE for me did it 2000 yrs ago. By the way I told him that too, he didn’t like it.

So this once again has nothing to do with post but I really had fun when this picture was taken lol and frat was silly for that shirt

I love these chicks right here….this is real ZETA PHI BETA LOVE.

Back to Black…

So today I got bored and started looking at old pictures of myself and decieded that I’m going back to black hair. Yay! Also I’m about to hit up Walgreens and get some of that BOGO revlon on sale. I know I’m going to buy the Revlon color stay in Mahongany. I have heard so many great things about this makeup and how it is so comparable to to Mac. I watched a lot of Youtube today looking at reviews and the MakeupGeeks review was the best imo. I will also be picking up Feria haircolor in Black Leather.

UPDATE

Just went to Walgreens and they overcharged me for all my stuff, but with that 5.99 over charge I got the Revlon color stay liquid eye pen in black and Riviera Blue FREE…now about to do my hair

UPDATE 2

So how about that Revlon color stay liquid is just like using a marker and it sucks

UPDATE 3

So I just saw on another blog somebody actually get that Revlon color stay liquid liner marker to work so now I it was just me being impatient lol

This is what my hair used to look like and what it will look like tonight....YES I know I am cheesing to hard it was New Years

Dinner with the Gnome….

So last night as I was working the front desk with Ofc 80s Porn Star(really thats what he looks like not that I have seen 80s porn or anything lol) and he was like Kemeke ( he never says my name right) what are you doing for dinner? I told him nothing that I know of and he was like so maybe you would want to eat dinner with Ofc Gnome (not his real name but a very close description of him) and me. In my mind I’m thinking of all kinds of excuses to not eat dinner with them, but then it dawns on me this might be what we need to get real closure to the relationship that we had. So I sit and endure the jokes about the gnomes and my relationship, I hear all the beetle jokes (yes he drove a beetle, with personalized tags), the height jokes, the oreo jokes, etc. Granted I had not spoken to this man at all since December, the most I have had at communication was a slight wave, I had to speak to him over the phone one day when he called about some warrants to see if we had them in hand at the station. Since then though we have both been avoiding each other as much as possible. So finally I see that the Gnome is x-17 to the station. I go to the bathroom to fix my hair and put some chap stick on don’t want to look like a hot mess even though we are not together anymore. I call up the Princess to get her opinion of the situation, she laughs about and tell me that she wishes she could come in just to see this for herself. I keep thinking that this is going to be awkward, so I pretend I need something from my car and go sit in it for five minutes giving myself time to think about what am I going to say to him when I see him. I finally got the ovaries to go in there said bye to Princess, and walked in the break room and do you know what I did I started smiling. Like I know I looked  like a crazy person as much smiling I did as I walked to where they were sitting. I sat down and asked Ofc 80s P.S for a fork, I said hey to everyone and sat down and commenced to dig into my plain fried rice,wings, and a vegetable egg roll. All the things I thought I told myself I was going to say to this man slipped my mind as I put my focus on eating, and acting like the most amazing episode of American Dad was on. As I sat in silence they were talking it up about any and everything. So Ofc 80 P.S. starts talking to me and asking me about the probate that I went to at ECSU, he then asks me about the process to get into organizations, I tell him a brief synopsis. Then back to the quiet. So 10 minutes past of me focusing back on American Dad and then they make a comment about how this is how I am when I working the desk, and do you know who chimed in the Gnome. He was like yea I know, so now he has jokes. Then all of a sudden they go into a conversation about boxers and briefs and I can’t help but start laughing really hard to myself because all I can think about is him strolling around in his tightie whities, looking like a white buddha. He must know why I’m laughing at this point because he turns red as a tomato. So dinner continues with more comments about random stuff but then it keeps going back to how the gnome hates his fiance, how he doesn’t want to get married, he keeps telling 80s P.S that he can’t stand that bitch. In my head I’m just thinking why do people do this, they think that staying with a person they hate with that much passion is going to make the children’s lives any better no that will only make it worse. So they continue the bashing of his fiance and then I sense that dinner is almost over so I get up to throw some of my trash away really I was just giving him a 360 view of what he is now once again missing out on. So as they start talking about going to smoke I finally grow another pair of ovaries and tell Ofc Gnome that I never said anything bad about him, I tell him I never had a problem with him, his height, or anything about him. Then he asks me what about his car and I told him what I had told him when we first met why would I talk about your car when I always wanted a beetle, and 80s P.S. said well your a girl so that doesn’t count lol. The Gnome then tells me that he doesn’t want to give me any future blackmail information but that he was the happiest that he had ever been in his life when we were together, but he says that at least now he can see his son everyday. You know I understand that, really I do. Parents would do and endure anything for there children and thats what he is doing now. So over all my reunion dinner with Ofc Gnome was not as awkward as I made it out to be in my head.

Orange Love

This is so freakin cute check it out

Life in the D9: Its Spring Time

SOS probate outfit she has a thing for Japan

So its spring time which means one thing when your in the Divine Nine system or D9…its PROBATE time. I always love this time of the year you get to see all the new people who realized that they want to be apart of organizations that have been built upon many great traditions. They were built out of the struggles of the 1900′s-the civil rights era. I am part of the greatest BLUest sexy felines out there, I am a Zeta. A proud member of the Pi Nu chapter of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, INC. I’m going on three years of being a member in this great organization. I’m starting to feel like an old head lol. I have been over two and half lines, I seen my share of troubles and despair within orgs, but yet we try to work it out. Probates,neophyte presentations, coming out shows what ever you want to call them are always a great thing. Last week at my school the Rhos (or Sigmas as they like to be called) came out the reviews I heard of there show where good but I heard that they dissed the Deltas. This wasn’t normal dissing this was I hate your org with all heart, I want yall to beat our asses thats hard we going to go at you hard. Believe me the Deltas were not happy at all. This friday the Deltas will get there chance to show the yard just how much they really appreciative the Rhos lol. Normally at probates there is a D9 part where you pick on each org like you would pick on your little sister, that picking where you say something mean but you really don’t mean you just want to annoy your sister. Thats usually what D9 greetings are all about but now at most of the probates that I have been to orgs are going way to hard at certain people, and orgs. When I crossed in Fall of 2006 we went hard at the Kappas for being on academic probation and throwing all sorts of damn parties every week but that was warranted (at least to my DP it was lmao). Probates have become hate shows now to the point where schools will ban your org if you diss another. I missed the probate today at Fayetville State due to the fact I have a job and I got off at 7 and the probate would have been over by then. My line sister Triple C and my Zeta baby AZ told me it was a good showing for the Blue and White fam. There’s a Zeta probate Thursday at the home of the national champs UNC  but once again thats a two hour drive and I get off at 7 that night too. I will be in attendance at the Elizabeth City State probate though on Saturday to see my Zetas. Its officially road trip season when I actually start traveling. Next week will be another probate here at UNCW with the Precious Pi Nu girls giving them a show that they will definitely be talking about. Yes I’m biased that is my home chapter. The best part of most probates to me are the outfits, hey I like fashion don’t judge me. Some people come out looking like trollops, others like us come out looking classy, sexy and so much more. Personally I really didn’t like our show outfits they were to plain. My first lines outfits were not that great because we were working on a budget. I love seeing people go back to the days of above ground pledge attire. The crisp white shirts, the perfectly hemmed skirts, the shiny black mary janes, the perfectly creased slacks, nobody ran around looking like a vagabond with hair all over there head. I wish people would exemplify those standards again and quit making our orgs look like high paid gangs. I will continue on this another day but even with all this negativity I still love probate season.

This video has nothing to do with probates but it does feature My Big Sister Blu Enchanment from The Precious Pi Nu chapter she starts in the middle Z
Phiiiiiiiii

Asher Roth “How Does It Feel”

I saw this and thought of my last post…lol Please refrain from telling the entire workforce how it felt

 

 

more about “Asher Roth “How Does It Feel”“, posted with vodpod