HJNTIY: Review/Rant

 

After recently watching and reading “He’s just not that into you” on Friday with some friends I come to many realizations. Out of all the characters in the movie I felt the worst for Gigi…the lonely female who always was falling for the wrong guy. She always read the signs that guys were giving her as wrong. She went on one date with this guy Connor and automatically she thinks he could be it, she starts to basically stalk this guy. She waited by the phone for days on end waiting for that one call from that one guy. She asked herself all these questions as to why hasn’t this man called her. She made excuses for him even though the excuses she made for him didn’t really make sense most of the time.   This man clearly didn’t have an interest in her or anything she had to offer but yet she couldn’t see that. She was so mesmerized by what a one hour date…that she had to end up going to all the places he had mentioned he liked in attempts to “bump” into him. There was no so called “spark” between them. Gigi finally gets up the nerve to call him and rambles on and on about equal rights and why a girl shouldn’t have to wait on a guys call. When a guy doesn’t call you, or when guys or girls tell you that they might be out of touch for a while, unless they don’t have a cell phone or internet access then they just don’t want to be bothered with you for that allocated time. You can use a cell phone almost anywhere but yet we tell people all the time that we just didn’t have time to pick up the phone and dial a number to say hello. In reality you just don’t want to talk to that person and our genes have coded us to be kind so we lie so we won’t hurt there feelings. I know I have personally done this, yes I can admit to this, but the thing about me is that I’m the type of person who really doesn’t need a lot of contact all the time. I flourish off of not really being around people. I’m not saying that I hate people, but sometimes I just like to be alone and cut all communication to the outside world out. As I watched this movie I thought about all the games that men and women play. Something that really hit home when Gigi said “that women are conditioned to think that if a guy treats you like a jerk that means he likes you”. I know for a couple of months in my life I too believed this outlandish philosophy. I told my self everyday for that summer that he treats me mean, picks on me, acts like a little kid around me because he in fact is so emotionally attached to me that he has to revert back to kindergarten antics of the male species to show that he cares. I figured and everyone else that I asked about it figured that he just didn’t know how to convey that he cared for me. I even started to slightly like the antics that he would pull, yes I know its uncanny but so what. I remember I would look forward faintly to what could he say or do the next day. Every time I got in his car it was a mystery as to what he would call me today, how many times he would punch me in my arm, how many times he would call me a nerd/dork/geek, etc, that summer really put messed up my ideas on men…but yet I LIKED IT. An you know what…that makes me normal. Why is it that we can tolerate a guy who mentally and emotionally abuses us, but yet when the guy who comes around who does everything that you could possibly want, he opens doors for you, he tells you your so beautiful, he makes time for you…you don’t want him. You would rather deal with the shallow, insecure, bigot ass of a guy that you have been catering your life around. It is really true that nice guys finish last because you don’t want nice and simple it seems to be a proven fact. I’ve let so many nice guys go because I was so stuck on keeping up with an asshole. I wish I could apologize to all of those guys that have poured there heart out to me but yet I was always to blind to really see that those were the types that I should be focusing my attention to, instead of the non committal, emotionally wrecked, baby mama drama, great sex having guys that I’ve let into my life. As I continued to watch this movie I felt disdain for Anna, she was the quintessential blonde beauty who had men throwing themselves at her but yet couldn’t or wouldn’t really commit to any of them. Women like her thrive off the challenge. In her case the challenge was a ring. She met this guy who she saw as sexy and she wasn’t letting go. She used all of her feminine guiles to get this man. He tried to keep her away, he told her he was married, he told her that he can’t do this type of thing that they shouldn’t have contact but yet he still lusted after her, he still slept with her, he told her that he would leave his wife for her. He even told his wife in the hopes that she would get angry and tell him that it was over so that he would be kicked out of the house so that he could be with Anna. People like her don’t really believe in sharing, I mean they will share for a little while but eventually you got to give up your other half. It was poignant when his wife almost caught them having sex in the office and she had to hide in the closet and listen to him have sex with his wife instead of her in the office. She got mad at him because he was having sex with his wife, so she ran back to Connor and played with his emotions. Connor wanted to start a life with her, he wanted her, he treated her with respect, he wanted to buy a house for her and him to live together, but yet her eyes were so clouded she didn’t want to be with him. Jainie was the wife of the character that Anna was sleeping with, after he told her that she was sleeping with someone. She didn’t freak out, but she blamed herself for his infidelity. She said it was her fault that he slept with someone else because they haven’t had sex in TWO YEARS, she said that she used to be fun, but now she was just so focused on other things that it had to be her fault. Granted two years in a married monogamous relationship is a long time to not have sex, two years of not having sex would probably make a lot of people jump ship. Yes she had changed but everyone changes as you mature.

(Scientific Fact Break lol…I know I’m a nerd)

 

  95% of the earth’s species are not monogamous; we are genetically wired to try to find better sperm donors to make the future offspring more genetically favored. So unless you’re an emperor penguin or one of those other 5% of the earths species then you going to have to work really hard to stay in your relationship. Out of the three stages of actually falling in love and keeping a mate the first one lust usually gets people in trouble. Now I’m not saying this to give everyone free passes to go out and cheat on there significant others but we as a species are not really meant to stay with one person. After the feeling of lust that our bodies create the next step is to fall in love with a person and to get them to fall for you. The feeling of being deeply in love with someone is the same reaction that people who are addicted to crack feel it’s that feeling of dependence, and that you can’t be with out that other person. That’s our minds way of making these people stay together until they complete the mission of life…to create more. After this feeling comes the last stage and that’s the attachment stage, that’s the time when you love someone and you know that you can’t be without this person. You feel your day wouldn’t be complete until you see that other person, you want to be around them constantly… that’s what leads to people getting married.

 

(Now back to my rant/review)

 

So neither party can really blame the other for what transpired between them, but if you have any moral/ethics I don’t think you would put someone you love through something like that. We were having a debate last night as to what constitutes cheating. The men in the discussion were saying all kinds of stuff. One of them said that hugging somebody else was cheating, so I was like if you assume that as cheating then that means every time your in the club dancing with somebody then your cheating because basically the way people dance you having dry sex on the dance floor. They argued me down saying a hug and dancing are two different things. But everyone knows that you can get into the groove and you start feeling a certain connection as your bodies intertwine and you feel the adrenaline rush through your body, you feel your hearts start to pound as the beat of the song increases, you feel the sweat start running down your body. To me I think that to cheat on someone in my opinion you have to have sex with them, or either have an emotional attachment. From watching the movie and reading the book, I only saw one flaw with the flow of the movie the happy endings for some of the characters. The Beth character she was dating a guy for seven years and they lived together she kept pestering him about marriage but he told her that he didn’t believe in it he thought it was a sham, etc. So why at the end of the movie he suddenly has a change of heart and decides that he wants to have the pomp and circumstance of that little piece of paper and the ceremony. Another one that irked me was with Gigi, sweet lovable Gigi. She had enlisted the help of Alex to help her as she went through various dates with men. She would call him all out of the blue to ask questions about why men weren’t calling her, why they didn’t want to commit etc. She learned a lot from him but it must have been too much because she suddenly though that he was into her, and she threw herself at him, but behold he wasn’t he was just being nice which hurt her feelings again. After the movie progressed some more past that point, Alex suddenly felt like Gigi had felt about him. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, etc. She was the rare unicorn of an exception. (Conicidently I was just laughing at my own favorite mythical creature at work talking about climbing on cars lol) So over all I enjoyed the movie and the book that it was based on.

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