My Resoulutions…Yea its late

 

     It seems that no matter how much good you do in this world bad things happen to you. I have for the past few months let one of my friends stay with me. I went out my way to make sure they felt safe and secure. It was a challenge to say the least but I felt that I was doing the right thing by doing all this, but yet in the end what happened I was made to look like the bad guy when all I did was treat some one better than most friends would have ever treated someone like them. It seems like now people tend to drift in and out of my life. Some people feel that they can drag me along and then just use me at there own discretion. The way I feel about life now is totally different than what I felt before. I look back at 2008 and think about all the things that happened to me. I met some wonderful people, some who I formed relationships with others where just passerby. Out of all the people I met though I can say one of them made me stronger than I was before. With all there constant picking, teasing, and how much they confused me all the time. I can honestly say the experience was well worth it. I remember so many times looking back asking people why somebody would treat me like this, and no matter what they did I never really seemed to mind. I grew a lot out of that relationship or whatever it was. I was still at the point in my life where I was trying to be this obedient person who never got in trouble, I would sit there and take crap from people and not say nothing and my excuse was that I was trying to be polite I was trying to be respectful…but sometimes you have to break out. Those few months where it was all about you really taught me a lot about the person I wanted to be. Its funny how so many people see so many different sides to me. My next door neighbors always talking about how “hood” I am which clearly I am far from that. I was born and raised in Maple Hill the country, I don’t care how many times people holler that maple hill is so hard, but truth is Maple Hill is a nice country town that’s great to raise kids in. People choose to be corrupted by their surroundings but I didn’t. I made the most out of a boring environment. I got off subject but any they see me like that because around them they always see the big bold side of my personality. They see the version that is never taking nobodies’ crap, they see the one who is always ready to jump in and help my best friend when he is in trouble, they see the version that is not scared to say anything to anybody. At other places most people see the quiet version of me. They see the girl who only says hello, and goodbye. I’m not saying that I don’t talk to anyone at my but I pick and choose. I starting to warm up to more people and actually hold conversations with more than the select few that I already called associates. You can see me walking down the hall and have so many different ideas about the person that I really am. I know most peoples first thoughts about me is that I’m stuck up. They usually tell me that because I never talked to people. I was always focused on what I was doing and nothing else. Which is far from the truth, I’m not stuck up. I am a reserved person, who chooses when to let my presence be known. Since this new year started I have just felt the need to live more, not just focusing on my friends and families needs but my own. I know people are always saying that they are just going to be about themselves. But the thing is that I don’t want to be about myself I just need to find the balance in being the best Kameko and being a better person towards the ones I care about. In this transition to making myself a better person there are something’s that I want to see happen.

 

1. I’m no longer going to entertain men that don’t know what they want or need in a woman. I have had so many men approach me and try to talk to me when they don’t have there life together. They don’t know if they want someone from their past back, they can seem to decide if they want to be a playboy all there life…if you pushing 30 its time to settle down and stop sleeping with everything you meet. P.S don’t talk to me if you got a ring on that finger!!! I waiting on MR RIGHT TO FIND ME, NOT MR. RIGHT NOW no matter how good the things you can do are. Just because its good don’t mean its good for you!!!!!

2. Stop entertaining men who think that they are prettier than me. Yes you are an attractive man, ok ok you sexy but please stop looking at pictures of yourself all the time. Stop taking longer than me to get ready to go out. Stop dumping the entire bottle of cologne on your body before leaving your house. I understand you need, no live off attention but everybody doesn’t want you.

3. Stop hanging around people who use others for everything. I know everyone uses everyone else for something but if the only time you ever call somebody is to ask them favor then your who I’m talking to. If every text starts with hey…can you? Then you are who I am talking to.

4. Stop dealing with people who live in the past…yes I know bad things happened to you but you don’t need to let the entire world feel guilty because of something that we couldn’t help. Stop trying to make everyone feel pity on you that’s lame.

5. Stop living in the past with relationships…I can say that I am no longer suffering from this. I looked at my past relationships and know that they won’t work. Sometimes you have to look at the hurt that the other person caused you. Do you really want to reopen those wounds. You only setting yourself for more heartache. I personally don’t want to see my friends hurt by anyone they once had feelings for. If you constantly use other excuses to try to make a reason to be somebody then its not right. I see so many people who end up having kids with these people they keep running back to, think about it your not just hurting yourself now but now you have a kid who is going to grow up feeling all that tension, and heartache from parents who should have stayed apart

6. Stop dealing with clingy people…if you don’t know by now then I’m letting you know now I HATE to feel smothered by people. Give me space, let me breathe. I hate when people throw themselves on you. Honestly I don’t want to hang out everyday, I don’t want to talk everyday, I like being alone sometimes.

7. Stop expecting me to be able to do everything you want me to do…i.e. I have a life too.

8. You know what I like to do in my spare time read, write, draw, go on ride alongs(don‘t judge me damnit…I like them b/c I‘m actually learning stuff), go see my family. I like to go out sometimes but clubs just are not me most of the time, and I love to cook when I have food lol. So stop asking me what I like to do, stop judging me because I actually enjoy being at work, yes I like, no love doing ride alongs. You know why?? If I’m trying to do this job then I would like to get a picture of what I’m going to be doing. Yes I know that every time is not going to be exciting but so what when I’m on the streets I can’t call out just because nobody is doing crap that night. Dang people stop thinking just because I’m riding with certain people means something. You know what it means, I’m comfortable with those people and the things they teach me. I’m not trying to sleep with these people. Get off your high horse people. There are other more important things to talk about than my life.

9. I want to get healthy…I know we as a black people appreciate some extra meat on them bones, but do you want to risk high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, etc. Get better people you only have one life to live, don’t waste it checking in and out of hospitals, riding in ambulances (no matter how attractive the EMS workers are lol) if you feel something wrong then go get checked out don’t wait till its to late.

10. MAKE KAMEKO HAPPY!!!!!! No matter what that entails I’m going to be happy. No matter how much heartache I go through my life will remain relevant and it will stand for something. Change is good and I claim my life to be a great one, one full of love, full of joy, full of family, full of the things that make me feel better. I want a better spiritual life, I know nobody is perfect, but I’m going to get my life as close as I can to my own personal idea of perfection. More to come later this week….

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