This man my 3+2=5

I feel like a winner when your around me…these were the words I listened to all day while I had Karina Pasain’s song on repeat. For the last three months I have been engaged in a war of emotion, I have been feeling strange and unknowing about it all. Ever since I met you I felt something…I don’t know how to explain the feeling I felt the first time I got close to you, the first time our lips touched, the feel of your embrace. All of this seems so new to me once again. It seems like everything around me is starting to remind me of you, I can’t go a day without thinking about you at least once. I have smelled your cologne every where I go, you know how things can make you remember well that does it for me every time. Some of my friends don’t really understand what I see in you, all they see is the age difference. I know what kind of man I want after so many years of disappointment. When I wrote that letter to God asking him to send me a man that fit all the things that I wrote, I never would have known that this could be you. Everything I asked for you process, the integrity, the smile, the humor, the strength, everything that I ever asked for in man you have that. When I get around you I feel like me only slightly different if that makes any sense. You see everyday I want to see you, or speak to you, but I can’t. Every time I want to call you, I freeze up. I don’t know what it is but sometimes I feel that while you may be what I need, I don’t know if I’m what you need. From the time we have spent together every chance I get I’m trying to understand you. I’m trying to read you and find out the person that you are. It’s hard to say what’s on my mind when I’m around you, I get so stuck on my words. It’s hard to explain the way I feel for you, every time that I’m near you it’s like my heart gets weak. Since I don’t really understand you yet, I always second guess myself when I’m around you, it seems like either I’m to quiet or I will corny comments. I remember when I was riding in your car, and I asked you what you see this as…and neither one of us could answer the question. I don’t see you as a fling, a rebound, or anything like that. I know what I had before has been over for years now, I saw that we were growing apart and headed in two different directions. It doesn’t make sense to force yourself to stay with a person who you know isn’t right for you and I saw that. It had nothing to do with me meeting you, this all was inevitable. I feel like I have to do this slowly, I feel like everything about you is reality. I know that fantasy is what you want and reality is what you need in your life and you fit the bill. You seem to know just what you want in life, you know where you want to be, you know what’s right for you. While I have just realized the full capacity of who I am as a person, you have known for years. One of my friends said that I shouldn’t date you because it would seem like you were taking advantage of me, but I don’t see it like that we are both adults. Another one of my friends told me he respected me more than he ever has when I told him about you, because he said I was finally living my life for me, no need to worry what people thought about me, not worrying about what people say about me. I’m not going to say it all came from being with you, but it did help. When I’m around you I feel this security, this feeling of caring, I just can’t explain it really. My only thought now is what do you see me and this as? Am I just somebody to get your kicks with, or do you see me as the person God set out for you to see. That has been my question from the last time I saw you, what am I? I know what I see you as; in my eyes you are…so many things. My soror has been telling me to go ahead and tell you how I feel about you but I can’t, I just don’t think I could take get my feelings rejected. Yes you have told me you like me, but I can like a carrot and not what to eat it. I know that was a bad analogy, but I know you like me, but the question that has been going over and over in my head is do you want to be with me. I know I can run the plays over and over in my head all day but until the quarterback makes that decisions we will all just running around like chickens with out a head. I know I’m not trying to get my feeling to deeply involved with you until I know the answer…I would rather know now if nothing is going to come out this than get my feelings hurt from falling love with you later. Just something to think on.

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