Dear…..

Dear Lord,

Thank you for waking me up this morning and allowing me to live another day. Thank you for my friend’s lord who without them I would be going through much more than I am now. Thank you for always letting someone comes into my life that will do nothing but enhance it, at every chance they get (even though they get on my nerves a lot). When I feel like I can’t go on, the people you put in my life are right there to help me get back up. Thank you for the one who smiles all the time, to remind me of what I’m missing in life. To let me see that there is always something worth working for if you want it bad enough. Thank you lord for the leader, who even though she doesn’t want she always is leading the way, thank you for the grace and nobility that she bestows upon all around her. Thank you for the talker, who has the time to do more than humanly possible. who even though she gets on my nerves sometime I know she will always have her sisters back (I love you girl). Thank you for the baby (also the mother), for letting her be the reason we stayed in some nights, it was your will lord. Thank you for the fighter, who will never give up on me, and will always be there to protect his friend and will love me even though I ignore him. Thank you for the gentlemen, who will never let you make a fool out of yourself, who is also the unbridled mind. Thank you for the captain who will always find a way to make you laugh. Thank you for the enemies that line my path leading me to my destiny. I love all you guys…

I thank you for my parents; even though they couldn’t do everything that I wanted them to do they did what they could. The more I look back on my childhood; I realize that I had a good life. I would sit and complain about what I didn’t have, when all I needed was right in front of me. I never knew how much my mother especially sacrificed to make sure her baby had what she needed. I sit and think about all those times my mom would come in at 2 in the morning, working all day but she still had a smile on her face no matter what. She never let anyone see her down; she would always try to cheer up if she saw me coming. Thank you for letting me be my mothers comfort.

Thank you for the many wonderful years I spent with my grandmother, whom I still love dearly today (3 yr and 2 mths after her death). I remember when Uncle Charles died and I saw the hurt on my peoples face. I said to myself I don’t want to feel that. So I remember I would pray and pray every year after my birthday….please let my grandmother live until I graduate middle school, and then it turned into high school, and then it was let her live until . I continually kept asking more and more of the lord to keep my grandma alive. I never realized that I was being selfish in my prays. I never thought that my grandmother was really hurting on the inside. She never let the pain show, no matter what she felt. I remember praying the weeks that she was in the hospital last year lord please let her live, don’t take away the person I loved the most in this whole world. I was at the hospital everyday sitting at her bedside, and every night I would cry looking at her body crumble before my eyes. I remember that Friday my mom called me, and said that my grandmother wasn’t going to make it. The doctor had let her come home to die my mother had told me. I fell to my knees crying in my room, my room mates came to comfort me. There was no comfort for this, this feeling that I was feeling. I didn’t know what to do; I raced home to sit at her bedside. I can still see her in my dreams I remember the way she looked at that moment, I can still hear her chest rattling as she tried to breathe, feel her weak heartbeat through her chest. I remember crying for days at a time when I was there. What I remember most about my grandmas death was her calling my name the night I went back to school, my mom told me she called out my name all night…and I wasn’t there to answer her call. The one time in about the 10 or more years that I had been taking care of her, I missed her call. I wasn’t there when she needed me the most; it was like I had failed at my mission. I came back the next day and sat by her bed side, feeling horrible. I remember telling her that I loved her, that I loved her with all my heart.  If I could I would have given my heart to her, if that would have made her live one more day, I would have gave my life for my grandmother. But that’s not what she would have wanted me to do, she wanted me to grow up, go to college, find a husband, have kids, and have a career. She taught to get what I wanted out of life, she told me in her own way to never settle for when I could easily get first. Thank you lord for the heartache that mad me stronger. Thank you for letting me learn that my purpose was yet to be found.

Thank you for building me up from nothing and helping to turn me into what I am today. Yes there will be troubles that always stand in your path but you must do nothing but face then straight ahead. Running away from your problem is not the answer to anything, and gong around it will only find you right back to where you left from. Seek victory and you will find it, seek failure and it will find you. Thank you for the challenges that I must face to be who I am to be.

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