Purgatory

Purgatory

Can I love again

Why would I let my heart strain,

Under the weight of your deceit

Why should I allow tears to flow

Never have I felt like this

I hate that I love you with a vengeance

So sick

Letting me down so many times

Thinking it was me,

Feeling as if I was the problem

Was I doing something wrong

My eyes saw the truth,

There’s no denying that at all

Say what you will but I knew

And I know now

My soul feels crushed

My body is void

Feeling as if I’m trapped

In the purgatory of you

Would I rather walk forever

This burden strapped to my chest

Forever feeling the emptiness inside

Is it just a dream, a test of sorts?

Let me wake up

Free me of this hell

Hurt must be in love with me

Feeling his arrows deep within this tomb

Knowing forever it will follow me

It will come back to you

You will feel this grief

This pain will take over

That will be my vengeance

What is it

What is it about me?

That makes you stumble

But never in the right direction

What is it about me?

That makes you stay

But never around for to long

What is it about me?

That makes you afraid

Never knowing what may be

What is it about me?

That makes you happy

But never taking it for what it is

What is it about me?

That grabs your attention

Is it just a fad?

What is it about you?

That keeps me on my feet

Wishing that it could be

What is it about you?

That haunts my dreams

But never my reality

What is it about you?

That makes me scared

Never knowing if your alone

What is it about you?

That gives me satisfaction

But at your discretion

What is it about us?

Ox and Rat

Ox and Rat

1986

An OX was born

SHE is strong but quiet

Sincere but mischievous

Patient but stubborn

Serious but careful

Lover and a fighter

Fulfiller of needs

Giver of desires

Temptress of fate

Her grace is hidden

Shyness prevails

1984

A rat was born

HE is captivating and charming

Humorous but serious

Strong headed but willing

Wounded but growing

Friend to all but loyal to few

Secrets and confessions

Lust and truth

Giver of desires

Fulfiller of needs

Tempter of my fate

He is the free spirit

1984

A rat is born

HE is captivating and charming

Humorous but serious

Close-minded to most

Loved by many

Content but looking

Loyalty unbridled

Protector of the lost

Passion and truth

Secrets and confessions

Giver of desires

Fulfiller of needs

Tempter of my fate

He is love

2009

Ox and Rats together

Friction seals it

Filling up

The crater in my heart

Troubles run through it

Piece by piece the crater breaks

Time after time I am lost

Discovering the less you seek

The more you find

LOVE over pouring

Stretched out to limits unheard

Satisfaction diminishing

Faced with no end

There is no grace period this is the end

Distance

Today I have decided that I’m going to post some of my poetry hope you enjoy

The difference between black and blue

Is the gray matter that now lives between

Flourishing once into carnal delights

Now the time has come for overview

Your insight is muddled damaged at the least

Tattered are the chances to reconcile

Heartstrings are decapitated

Aimlessly frock licking with whatever opens

No understanding of the anguish you create

Passion enkindled but you found a way

To tear at it piece by piece until it was gone

Making a mockery of what was

No care for the souls you devour

With each curve of your lips hearts flutter

But to one like you, just another notch

Another chance to wet your head

Can one so beautiful be so callous

So condescending, so desensitized

Your heart and soul are colder than an arctic breeze

My mind plays tricks on me, I’m torn betwixt

Knowing you sets me afire one moment

And then drains my essence the next

Never has a human been able to cause such distress

Wanting you to stay close

Not ever wanting to be with out

Damaging my soul with each new day

Waiting for that one moment of realization

Where you will see that it was me all along

Stranding the darkness waiting for the light

Shattered is my conscience, story of a broken heart

Foundations have been built around you

Cracking with each new blow to its center

You walk all over it but still I stay

Biting my tongue at any hint of flaw

Covering up the damage that is you

Asking my self is this how you want me to be, torn

In LOVE with a man who doesn’t love you

Wanting to feel that touch if only for a millisecond

Destroying my frame each time we kiss

Sending me into heaven each time we make love

Forever I wait for the day

When my touch will be enough to take your pain away

With out you my stars disappear leaving my sky dark

But still I ask is this what I want, one sided love

Looking at our picture makes me heavyhearted

Untangling myself from you a little at a time

Will it always be this struggle to get you to see

I don’t know how much more I can take before I implode

I know what the difference between black and blue is…

Its you

Train up a child…

President ObamaThis morning as I got to work I was doing my daily ritual of checking out all the websites to see what new information I could learn and I came across this picture.  When I saw this picture I felt a chill run through my body. Its amazing how much one image can say to a person without speaking one word. So this little boy was invited to the White House and he was given permission to ask President Obama one question. His question was can I touch your hair to see if its like mine? I just wanted to post that because I felt that this picture right here is the picture of the hope for our children. This little boy had to verify that Obama was truly like him, I don’t know maybe I’m looking to much into the picture but it just touched me in my spirit.  Children now don’t have to feel like they can only be the stereotypical rapper or athletic player, you can achieve greatness with hard work, determination, strong family background, morals, and values.

Mr. TxtBrkrUpr

Dear Text Break upper,

 

            So it’s been a while since I have spoken to you but really did you ever really hear my voice in the first place. You sir enjoyed the simplicity and the non scariness of texting versus phone conversation.  I had to change my plan to unlimited with the amount of texts I was getting from you. I mean with the job that you have and that I will have you can’t really be on the phone all the time. So  I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy the random winks, walk bys, giggles, etc that would pass between us….but alas it wasn’t meant to be. After reading Damon’s blog at Thismayconcernyou.com I decided it was time to really finally put this thing to rest. You Mr. Text Breaker upper you hurt me in 130 words or less. I sat and ridiculed myself countless times trying to decipher the flaws that I must have to make you have the audacity to end it the way you did. Over the months I have came to the realization that you and I were not right for each other. You see I’m glad that we got to be together but I knew that it wouldn’t have worked out for the best. One, you smoke and I didn’t realize this when we first started dating/talking because I never smelled the cancer sticks, but once I realized that you have to smoke every night before you went to bed then yea that wasn’t a good sign I want to live. Two, people with attachment issues are just not great to be in a relationship with. You had way too many attachments that would have only had me jealous or yearning for something more half the time than really enjoying the relationship. Three, dating people you work with is always a tricky situation. I know me I get excited about things and then I tell my friends, who then get more excited and tell their friends and now look everyone knows that we are dating. So then they start watching you and trying to find flaws or see if you come in happy or sad, and then there is that akward phase of trying to ignore each other it’s just ridiculous really. Four, religion plays a major part in my life my father’s a preacher, my mother’s a deaconess, my grandparents were elders of their churches. I’m just at the point in my life where I’m trying to really see where I fit in my religion and you being the anti religion, anti god person you are it would have been nothing but arguments if ever you would have come around my family. But even though it didn’t work out I’m glad I did get the opportunity to date a man who appreciates a woman, a man who isn’t afraid to tell you look beautiful in the mornings, one who loves being a man, opening doors, walks on the beach, walks down town, that slight cockiness that you possessed, the way your smile is kinda crooked, the way you would look at me before you left or went to sleep, see you showing me these things has only made me want to have them in my next relationship. You see Mr. Text breaker upper you showed me the yin and the yang of how I want my relationships to be like. You showed me that I didn’t need some big tall guy that is more focused on his self. I need someone who wants to love me and will do anything to keep that love with me. You showed me that even as you ended it with me to go back to someone with whom you had history with. You showed me that it should be a requirement for a man to text/call you at random times of the day just to tell you that you’re beautiful, that thinking about you made their day better, that they can’t stop thinking about the way you walk, that they just love everything about you. You showed me a man should want to be out in public with you, that you can just walk and have a good time, that you didn’t just have to sit in a house all day and just watch TV. You showed me the power of love to pull you back to the things that really matter the most to you. In a way I found myself with you. So to you Mr. TxtBrkrUpr thanks again for the love you showed me and the pain you put me thru. It all worked out in the end.

 

Sincerely,

Turtle

Throwback Tuesday

So I missed last tuesday…why?? The truth is that I was being lazy lol. Well since today is Tuesday here ya go with your throwback jams of the day…..

First up I was in a TLC mood so here’s Waterfalls

After I enjoyed that selection from TLC I said I need some Janet in my life so…..

And just in case you didn’t get enough from this Throwback Tuesday I have included one more jam just in case I forget or get lazy next week lol.

Isn’t there something about Maxwell, he is just so smooth