Train up a child…

President ObamaThis morning as I got to work I was doing my daily ritual of checking out all the websites to see what new information I could learn and I came across this picture.  When I saw this picture I felt a chill run through my body. Its amazing how much one image can say to a person without speaking one word. So this little boy was invited to the White House and he was given permission to ask President Obama one question. His question was can I touch your hair to see if its like mine? I just wanted to post that because I felt that this picture right here is the picture of the hope for our children. This little boy had to verify that Obama was truly like him, I don’t know maybe I’m looking to much into the picture but it just touched me in my spirit.  Children now don’t have to feel like they can only be the stereotypical rapper or athletic player, you can achieve greatness with hard work, determination, strong family background, morals, and values.

Mr. TxtBrkrUpr

Dear Text Break upper,

 

            So it’s been a while since I have spoken to you but really did you ever really hear my voice in the first place. You sir enjoyed the simplicity and the non scariness of texting versus phone conversation.  I had to change my plan to unlimited with the amount of texts I was getting from you. I mean with the job that you have and that I will have you can’t really be on the phone all the time. So  I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy the random winks, walk bys, giggles, etc that would pass between us….but alas it wasn’t meant to be. After reading Damon’s blog at Thismayconcernyou.com I decided it was time to really finally put this thing to rest. You Mr. Text Breaker upper you hurt me in 130 words or less. I sat and ridiculed myself countless times trying to decipher the flaws that I must have to make you have the audacity to end it the way you did. Over the months I have came to the realization that you and I were not right for each other. You see I’m glad that we got to be together but I knew that it wouldn’t have worked out for the best. One, you smoke and I didn’t realize this when we first started dating/talking because I never smelled the cancer sticks, but once I realized that you have to smoke every night before you went to bed then yea that wasn’t a good sign I want to live. Two, people with attachment issues are just not great to be in a relationship with. You had way too many attachments that would have only had me jealous or yearning for something more half the time than really enjoying the relationship. Three, dating people you work with is always a tricky situation. I know me I get excited about things and then I tell my friends, who then get more excited and tell their friends and now look everyone knows that we are dating. So then they start watching you and trying to find flaws or see if you come in happy or sad, and then there is that akward phase of trying to ignore each other it’s just ridiculous really. Four, religion plays a major part in my life my father’s a preacher, my mother’s a deaconess, my grandparents were elders of their churches. I’m just at the point in my life where I’m trying to really see where I fit in my religion and you being the anti religion, anti god person you are it would have been nothing but arguments if ever you would have come around my family. But even though it didn’t work out I’m glad I did get the opportunity to date a man who appreciates a woman, a man who isn’t afraid to tell you look beautiful in the mornings, one who loves being a man, opening doors, walks on the beach, walks down town, that slight cockiness that you possessed, the way your smile is kinda crooked, the way you would look at me before you left or went to sleep, see you showing me these things has only made me want to have them in my next relationship. You see Mr. Text breaker upper you showed me the yin and the yang of how I want my relationships to be like. You showed me that I didn’t need some big tall guy that is more focused on his self. I need someone who wants to love me and will do anything to keep that love with me. You showed me that even as you ended it with me to go back to someone with whom you had history with. You showed me that it should be a requirement for a man to text/call you at random times of the day just to tell you that you’re beautiful, that thinking about you made their day better, that they can’t stop thinking about the way you walk, that they just love everything about you. You showed me a man should want to be out in public with you, that you can just walk and have a good time, that you didn’t just have to sit in a house all day and just watch TV. You showed me the power of love to pull you back to the things that really matter the most to you. In a way I found myself with you. So to you Mr. TxtBrkrUpr thanks again for the love you showed me and the pain you put me thru. It all worked out in the end.

 

Sincerely,

Turtle

So Good??

So lately I have been dealing with some issues at work. The main thing is that men gossip more than females do. Let me tell you I have never heard a bunch of men discuss all the latest workplace gossip, who’s doing who, etc. The one thing that is irking me is why is the one dude I actually dated constantly telling people how good I am etc. I mean I know I was his first black girl, and I know he was hypnotized by the goodies but really keep that to your self, don’t tell all my damn co-workers every chance you get about the awesome black girl. I knew something was up when all these random guys started approaching me at work. I mean these aren’t even the cute ones, I guess they think they have a chance because the “gnome” wasn’t that attractive but his eyes were so pretty and he was so nice to me that I gave him a chance 😦 but in the end he ended it in a text message around Christmas time. Still I just wish he would respect me enough not to tell everybody he know about everything he know

 

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Electrik Red – So Good (Remix) (feat….“, posted with vodpod

An ode to Bestie…

I told you I was going to write a nice note…Now stop crying punk(HAHAHA)

Why are we you my friend, I would ask myself…that question isn’t that hard to answer when I really think about it. You know ever since I took your seat that day in class and you spoke to me I knew we would be friends. You know I thought that you would be just another regular friend who I see occasionally not all the time. You have grown on me so much over the last past year that it’s weird. Never in my life have I felt this sort of connection with some one that I could really call my friend. I can tell you anything (even though most of the time you get mad cause I don’t, because I usually mad at you) that I could never tell anyone else. I think back to all those days of following each other around almost 24/7 that was crazy. Every time you see one you see the other, the only time I didn’t see you was when you went to work. Especially being right across the hall with Toya and LaDawn every day that made it so much funnier to me, I remember one day talking about you to them about you during the summer and they was like yeah you live right across the hall. Those were the days right there, sitting in your room “attempting” to watch some anime whether it be Karas, Gungrave ,Hellsing, whatever we tried and watched most of them.

You know why you are such a good friend is because you read me so good (well at least most of the time, sometimes either you skip some or just don’t see something) you always like why this or that. What’s wrong Meko bear??? Yea I’m a sucker for it, but I don’t even care I like it. You always there for me even though most of the time its you I’m mad at…which is really hard to explain to you most of the time (goes back to not being able to tell you everything all the time) but some how I always seem to not stay mad at you. Even though I try to stay mad at you (that’s messed up to say that you have to try to be mad at somebody) which try as I may I can’t. I don’t know what it is about your personality that makes you so likable to everybody, maybe its your smile (which is a very nice one). You are just such an inviting person to everybody, well at least to the people that still like you on campus (hell they probably still you too they just mean mugging). When we in public I don’t understand you sometimes, its crazy. Especially when you do your crazy walks and stuff or like that time you yelling in Wal-Mart parking lot talking about “I don’t have sex anymore” and the man walking by with his wife talking about He got the same problem buddy. You really have me bugging when I’m around you. You know I do be somewhat be sad when you do have to leave cause I be wanting you to stay around me forever. I’m glad you finally figured out when I’m standing by the door when I’m about to leave staring around your room that it means I want a hug or something.

Yeah you say I’m a little crybaby blah blah whatever but I’m not I just an emotional person now a days. I know that you will always be there by my side, even when we like 80 and you rolling around in your wheel chair(all pimped out in black and gold) I know we will still be close. I know true friendship when I see it, you are just a special person to me. Even though you have been through so much pain and drama in your life you don’t let anything hold you back, you push forward with a smile on your face. You know when you smile at me it does brighten up my day, even though most of the time I’m mad at you!?!? And I sit there and try not to smile and do my side smirk. You definitely will talk the talk and walk it too, you always trying to get me to be the best at whatever I’m doing or am going to do. I know you said that you don’t need help, that you can do everything that you’re doing now without help, but everybody needs somebody they can depend on to help them. I know I’m always there for you and you can’t say I’m not(except when I’m mad and turn my phone off). Getting out my bed (well at least I tell you I wasn’t sleep, that better give me some kind of cool points) making a taco bell run because somebody is hungry, come on now.

You know I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if you wasn’t in sometimes. You really are a brighter in my day everyday, and yes bad things do seem to be written every time you take a journey to somewhere but that is purely “coincidence”. I do be getting somewhat upset (not jealous) when you leave and it tends to get me thinking about the worst of everything possible. I mean I just be bored and don’t have anybody to talk to (most of the time every body else is busy doing something) and I just sit here and start thinking which is not a good thing for me all the time. Back to better things now, you know I’m mad you being trying to fatten somebody up you is the feedinest(yea I just made up a word) person I know, always talking about lets go to such and such and get some food. Dang you really trying to turn me into a stereotypical Zeta. And then you will want somebody to work out and work me like a slave (shucks I be tired yo). But no matter what you or I do I can never say that I don’t love you as a friend, no matter what that will always be there. I’m not even going to trip I do consider you my best friend ever (Sorors yall my best girlfriends). You know what you can always and I mean always get me smiling even though I don’t be wanting to laugh but I do because you so crazy.. And I appreciate all the things that you have ever done for me since we have known each other, whether it was small or big. And no I don’t think you use me for anything, everything that I do for you is because I care about you not because I’m trying to get something (and that’s the same way I feel when you do stuff).

P.S. I can definitely say that being around you is never a dull moment

Oh how I loathe thee….

This week has been filled with some good and bad times. So first it started with some man telling me about how other men were focusing on mine and another persons bodies. Granted that I think we have nice bodies but don’t base all your assumptions and likeability on just that. So then I’m there another night this week, and I hear some more stuff from another person. I mean can I not work without feeling like you undressing me with your eyes damn it. You know what I hate and despise people who just blatantly openly cheat on there girlfriends, wives, etc. How can you say that you love somebody, that you ready to marry them, ready to buy a house with this person but yet you cheat on them with every hood rat you see. I never understood that, obviously you don’t really love that person. I don’t care how good you are and the things that you can do, nobody deserves to be cheated on and have there feelings hurt just for your pleasure. I really can’t stand how people will start to pay more attention to you when you start ignoring them isn’t that backwards. Don’t start telling I smell good, that I look nice today, when all you doing is pulling me along on your damn string so you can always have me there.

I have a kind of mentor, right and he never holds back on nothing he says. He tells me don’t ask a question you don’t want an honest answer to. So he told me one day last week that this man will start paying attention to me when he thinks I’m almost ready to forget about him completely. He was like he will do it every few months to get me reattached to him and I sat there not believing what he was saying trying my best to find a flaw in his theory but yet I found none. How could it be that I fell for this scam of a man. Granted the last time we actually “dated per se” was last summer, but still through all of that I was still his cheerleader talking about all the goodness of him. This past weekend though I realized it more than ever that he was and will always be the “player” it didn’t matter that he had future wifey at home waiting for him in the bed, he still had to find other places to stick his penis. You know I realized that I felt more pain and hurt for a woman that I didn’t even know than I felt for myself. How is it that she doesn’t see what I and everyone else can plainly now see. When I first saw him and met him I thought he was some kind of godsend. How could he not have been. He was charming, attractive, we shared the same kind of goals, he was in the church, but yet there was something always off about him. I couldn’t figure it out though once he got my oxytocin pumping with all those weekly sessions I was his puppet. Man if I was wasn’t available every time he called ready to be whatever he wanted me to be. That’s the funny thing about sex, when you have sex your body releases oxytocin. Oxytocin is the hormone of love in a way, you see during sex your body releases a hormone(oxytocin) this hormone helps to form the bond of a monogamous relationship with the person you just had sex with. It increases arousal for both the man and woman. It increases the level of trust that you feel with this person. So basically its your bodies way of making you feel “sprung” for this person. So now it starts to make more sense as to why she may not realize the information that everyone else already knows. She believes that she is in a committed monogamous relationship with this man, so her oxytocin levels have increased after each does of love making increasing her trust in this stupid excuse for a man. So she doesn’t really feel that slight hint of women’s intuition in the back of her head like I started to feel when I was with him. I will say that it was great, awesome and a whole lot of other words but in reality I was no more than a summer jump off.

So then my mentor and I start discussing this man I used to date. My mentor always told me from the jump that I was nothing but a trophy to this man, I wasn’t going to be more than the black girl that he can say that he experienced. You know what I told my mentor that he was wrong, that this man was actually nice, that he didn’t just see me for my race he saw me as a woman that he wanted to date. I have begun to get so used to men treating me like crap that when this man actually opened doors, took me on real dates back to back, let me help him cook, layered on the compliments every time he got a chance(oh you smell so good, I can‘t keep my eyes on the road thinking about your beautiful face) I remember one day we were in my room and I told him your eyes are so pretty(they are though, there like some kind of bright blue) and he was like your everything is beautiful. To say the least I was mesmerized. Man you couldn’t tell me nothing. I knew this was going to last for a while. How could it not when he was treating me like this from the jump(and this was without any release of oxytocin). I’m not going to say that I didn’t feel awkward when we would walk around downtown. It seemed like every black man was staring at me as I walked down the street with this white man. I sometimes felt entirely out of place when we were in public but I pushed it aside because I was so enamored with the way he treated me. So could you believe the shock on my face when I got a text one day telling me that we couldn’t be together because of his old girlfriend. I couldn’t believe it I cried for like a day wondering what did I do, thinking about how I messed up this wonderful opportunity. Especially when my sister had actually liked this guy. We didn’t think he was like a Brad Pitt or nothing but we thought he was cute, nice and he treated me right so that was all that mattered. Man did I feel weird the next time I saw him. I remember he walked up to where I was at one day and was like “hi stranger” in my head I was screaming at him like how could you say hi stranger to me. I was the one who was dumped by you for a woman that you can’t stand. I was the one who still texted the mythical creature sometimes to see how you were doing, but yet you call me the stranger. I hated him in my heart for so long after that happened. I couldn’t imagine that a guy can go from treating you like a queen to you suddenly becoming the peasant. But yet my mentor had saw it coming a MILE away, so when I finally told him he was like told you so.

this is how im feeling lol

this is how i'm feeling lol

 

Selfish

My friend was talking to me the other day about the problems he has with his girlfriend. He was telling me how that now that she is about to go to college she wants to break up and live her life, but expects him to be there with open arms waiting for her when she finally decides that she has experienced enough. Now this is selfish of her to think that this man is going to wait around for her. I know all to well about this myself. How do you say you love somebody but then you do everything that you used to do. You don’t love that person if you can just as easily go to somebody else and do all the things you do with your man/woman. That just called being selfish. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, and when you do get to do it some thing always goes wrong

Now you see my problem is I love easy, but I don’t trust easily. Then another thing is that I’m an extremely nice person, who will put up with so much more than is within normal standards. So even if you just trashed my room one day, or you got me threated by somebody I will still stick by you no matter what you do to me. In a way some people do tend to try to run over me and try to take advantage of me. When I look at myself I know I hate saying no to anyone, I always feel the need to be the person you can call on. I string myself along so far till I have no room left for myself. People know this about me, that’s why they do the things that they do to me. When I love somebody I really love them, like my dreams are filled with images of whoever the person is, it seems like everything will remind you of that person no matter where you at. I can look at a bench and think of the time we sat there for an hour talking about life, I can look at a rose and think of the one he gave me for valentines, I can look at a pair of clippers and think of him, I can see a picture of John Cena and think of him, I can think about a mix cd and think of him, I can think of Florida and think of him, I can think about a certain type of car and it will too.

(Now you may ask yourself what this has to do with selfish people just keep reading)

That’s where problems always start. So how are you to separate the two, that is the question? Well it took me a long time to figure it out but you never can really fully separate the two. My best friend from Maple Hill and I had this problem while we were growing up. We started off as friends who worked together for my cousin, and then as we matured through the years we saw each other in a new light. It wasn’t just the friendship love it was full blown romantic love. Now we never did anything before, meaning sexual things. Our love was based on the interactions of our friendship. We couldn’t figure out how to deal with it all through high school and then I started dating this guy which made it worse. The whole time I was dating this guy it was always awkward when all of us would try to hang out, because we knew that we loved each other and that nothing was going to come out it, but never the less we knew we loved each other. He would get jealous sometimes at the way my boyfriend would treat me. He and my brother would threaten to double team my boyfriend just because they didn’t like something he had done. I know that he protected me like that because he loved me; he made sure he was the person I could depend on even if my boyfriend couldn’t do something for me. He laid his heart out to me and really at the time I didn’t fully realize the capacity to which he loved me. This man would do anything for me, he knew how to make me smile when my boyfriend would do something stupid and make me cry. He made sure making me happy was his number one priority even when the person I was going with didn’t seem to care about me.

(the explanation is coming just keep going I got off on a tangent)

The time came when I finally went to college and I was about to be a sophomore when he couldn’t take loving me anymore. We stopped talking for about a year. He couldn’t stand to see me hurting anymore, he would constantly tell me that this man was wrong for me; we stopped talking so he could move on with his life. When we did stop talking I felt like a dunce because I knew that the person God wanted me to be with had moved on. I had sat there for years wasting my life on this man who only cares in the world where work and money. After a year passed we finally began talking, I met his girlfriend and everything but now I knew how it felt to be in love with a friend and there was nothing you could do about it.

The only way to maybe make it less apparent was to not be around that person anymore. See I felt just like T felt I was jealous of the relationship that he had with her. In my mind I felt like he was spending to much time with her and neglecting our friendship. I couldn’t take it so I thought that maybe trying to ignore him would help me get through it. It DIDN’T. It just made me think about him more than before. When you are in a relationship with someone its important for you to know the people your other half is involved with. You can’t base a relationship off of nothing. How can you not know who is friends with your other half. You need to really dig deep and find out all you can about the people your man spends time with. That person that your man/woman keeps saying is just a “friend” will turn out to be the other man/woman in there life. Believe me if you want to, but I know all to well about people who are just friends. Do you know how many times I have heard that in my short life only to find concrete evidence to point to another conclusion? Now if you do actually make an effort to become cordial with the people who surround your man then look for signs. Check to see if there are special little looks they give each other, if they have pet names for each other, have inside jokes, they seem to navigate around just each other and no one else the entire time, then maybe you should not be scared but you should dig deeper. I’m not saying that people really just can’t be friends and do this stuff, but this is an idea of things that tend to be seen in the previous observance. People can usually sense when somebody likes the person they are dating, and that was the problem for us when he started dating her she sensed it, but before my boyfriend really was naïve to it all. That’s the problem with some peoples significant others they are stupid to the fact that someone that is a friend to there man/woman is in love with them. They sit and believe all the nonsense that others tell them, when the truth is right in there face. They would rather stick with a person who’s heart really isn’t all the way there’s. What is worse is when there best friends tell them that the person is not fully with them and they still stick with that person. I can’t really say that they are stupid but it is more of a naivety among the younger generation.

They think just because someone says that they love you, you think that they don’t lie to you. You a fool to believe that the person you with has never lied to you at all. You show people you love them through actions, and if your actions are telling someone that you don’t want to be with them why don’t they see it???? I’m sorry but if you cheat on somebody you don’t want to be with, there’s something in the back of your mind that’s telling you its alright to do this because you don’t want to be with this person. See that’s where the selfishness comes back in, you want to be able to have a relationship, have a side girl/guy, and still hold on to the front that you love this person please stop lying to yourself. The first time you do it maybe it can be ruled off as a mistake, second time maybe…, but after three times of doing the same thing you know what you are doing. You can’t say you feel guilty when you let yourself make the same mistake over and over. You chose to do things your way, no one forces you to open up your leg or put your junk in something. Please don’t have the world thinking you are saint blah blah blah when you really aren’t. see what I learned from T was that if you love someone and you see them being hurt, manipulated, bamboozled, and you tell them this sometimes you just have to leave to them self and let them fix the problems that they find themselves in. you can’t save all your friends, you can’t be there for everyone all the time, and you really can’t convince anyone of the TRUTH when they don’t want to see it. This I learned and have been told quite a few times about it myself so I know. I know that I let this man run over me and never chose to see the things he was doing to me, I was miserable but yet I was in love. I can’t really explain but you get my drift. My friends would try to save me all day they would try to show me what I didn’t want to see. You have to want to see that a person is not right for you. There is no point staying with a DOG because he is just go and lay down with everyone that will let him be with them. But really the whole point of this was about people being selfish. Don’t say you love someone but you feel the need to still go and do the things you would do before you met them. Selfishness is not a good look in a relationship at all. But anyway I’m tired of talking about selfishness so I’m out.

Change is good

Over the past few months my life has went through so many amazing changes. I finally got the job that I wanted to get since last year. I really enjoy the place I work; I enjoy the people and the atmosphere. I have gotten so much closer to the path that I was laid out for me. It’s is a great feeling to know that I am independent; I’m so much closer to getting my car. I feel like my life is better than it has ever been before. I finally gotten rid of all my baggage from the past, which is an amazing no it’s beyond amazing to finally feel like you are free from the tyranny of people. I’m going to graduate from college in December thank you God, because otherwise I would have still been focusing on the things that would possibly destroy my life. My career path is right on the track that it needs to be on, its amazing to know that I will have a great job when I graduate doing something that I really want to do. You can never be fully happy at your job unless its something that you want to do, and this is where I want to be. There is nothing holding me back from the satisfaction of reaching my goals unless its myself, and that is definitely not going to happen. At 22 I finally feel more at peace with my life, my family, my friends, everything. I know that I can do anything that I put my mind to and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. My heart is finally free to follow my dreams, I don’t have somebody always whispering in my ear telling me that I don’t need to this, that I need to focus on them, that I shouldn’t work at the place that I want to work at. Nobody is going to stop my dream it will become a reality as long as I hold fast to it. Have you ever felt like the people who are supposed to love you and care about you are the main ones that try to bring you down. That’s why I had to push certain people out of my life. I can’t have anybody who is going to put me down and try to manipulate my life to make it what they want it to be. There are certain people who will always try to control you, or make you be something that your not. I will not be that person at all for anyone. If you can’t accept me for the person I am, then clearly you don’t need me in your life. I will never change the person I am for anyone. If anyone ever has feelings for me then you better know this now, you need to accept me flaws and all. I am attempting to be on my grown woman status so that means I’m not into playing games. I not into being your side girl, I will not be your sex buddy. I don’t want to be with someone who is going to play games or feel that they can control me, because if they think that they have the wrong person. I absolutely despise the mind games that some people feel the need to play, just tell me the truth that’s all I ask. I will be Kameko no matter what. So if you are looking to have me in your life whether in a platonic or romantic then you need to understand me and know that this is what you get. Nothing is promised to anyone in this life, so don’t live your life for anyone other than yourself. Nowadays I just feel that I am more secure in my life and the way I want to live it. Really I am secure in me altogether; I don’t second guess myself anymore. I am to the point where I know what I deserve and what I want in my life. Don’t think I’m conceited, or anti social I’m just to the point now where I can tell if I want you in my life in anyway form or fashion. There will be a lot of people who will get the boot after this is all over because they were just here for that season not the lifetime. Either they helped me to see the wrongs in my life or I helped them, so it wasn’t a waste it was a blessing that we all could help each other. I believe that everything happens for a reason, for every action there is a consequence whether good or bad. So if I suddenly have fallen from your life then know that our destiny was completed, and if I just coming into yours know its only beginning. I am me and that’s all I can ever be.