Dating Tips from the Parents 4

Chivalry is not dead (Dad sorta, but more from TJ)

 

You ever get that awkward feeling when you’re sitting in the car and you know your date wants to open the door, but you still want to be that independent chick, oh you don’t sorry. Well I always get that feeling when I’m around my friend (more like the original best friend) TJ. TJ is gentlemen, he will open doors, pull out chairs, make you walk on the other side of the road when cars are coming, he will make sure that you are in the house before leaving you at your house even if its broad daylight. He is a true protector, and gentlemen. Granted I use to fight him about some of the stuff like the door thing because I wanted to feel in charge. I was the type that knew that I could take care of myself I didn’t need any man opening my door for me, pulling out my seat, and doing all these other things that he made a priority. Even though I would make a fuss about him doing this stuff, I secretly loved it every time. You know what was funny the last time I went out with a guy he didn’t do any of that, and I was wondering in my head what’s wrong with this man. Was he not trained to open doors, and pull out chairs, did he not know that you’re supposed to walk beside the woman and guide her away from impending dangers. I think well, I know TJ has spoiled me with the chivalry. I love it, I don’t request it but I really love the feeling that I get when I finally run into men that hold doors, open doors, and do all the other duties of the male gentlemen protector.

Dating Tips From the Parents 3

High School love should probably end at senior year graduation (Dad)

 

Good ole Dad, I remember the first time he told me some incarnation of this statement. We were riding in the banana boat aka his box style crown Victoria and he started asking me about my then boyfriend. This is the same person I ended up living with for all those years. My dad was like how can you ever know what you really like and dislike when all you have is one subject to base your theories on. You know what dad was right, even though I got mad at the fact that he could sit and try to tell me that my love wasn’t real, I mean this was the person I was going to marry. I didn’t want to experience the world, to me my whole world revolved around me and my ex. But let me tell you after we broke up many, many, many years later. I finally saw what my dad meant. I had based 7 years of life on this one person, and had missed out of really learning what type of person was really compatible with me. Today I can’t say that I have narrowed it down yet, but I know more and more about the traits that will make a great man for me.

Dating Tips from the Parents 2

Don’t shack up (Mom)

 

I know today is the independent era; everyone wants to live together with their hookups, dates, boyfriends whatever. You do learn a lot about each other with living together, but you also run the chance of smothering that person. I lived with my boyfriend for a couple of years while I was younger like 19-21. Let’s just say it was fun for the first year and then it got annoying. I mean this boy wanted me to be a housewife when I just really started to kind of understand myself, I wanted freedom and what I got was a prison. A self imposed one but a prison none the less. I wanted to be the free independent college student, and actually do things other than focus on academics/athletics which before had been my life but no what I got was go to school, get out of class and go straight into what do you want for dinner, let me help you out with this, oh you want me to ride with you to your parents house ok no problem. I was into a real selfless way of thinking, because I was doing what I was supposed to do, or so I thought. As a college student or as a young adult you shouldn’t have to worry about if someone is going to be mad if you don’t come in by a certain hour. You should be able to be free, and able to just learn from your environment. You need to be able to experiment.

Dating Tips from the Parents 1

It’s amazing how when six letters can cause so much drama in a person’s life. The problems that I see more and more with dating is the lack of respect for the parties involved. It just seems as if women and some men are not demanding the respect they deserve while dating. I used to think that my mom was nagging all of us girls as a kid when she randomly throws out some dating philosophy, or some saying about relationships. I was like my mama surely loves talking about cows and milk, but in reality she was teaching us serious lessons that can make or break your future relationship endeavors. Granted I have not followed every little rule she gave us since I hit puberty, but we all have to learn from our mistakes sometime.

 

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? (Mom, Grandma, everybody)

 

This was the saying I got the most irritated with hearing about. Even though it irritated me, it rang the truest. Sex ruins things for lots of people, some people use it to control, some use it as a means to survive, but the moment you give in the mystique is gone. This especially rings true about dating, until you are in a relationship with someone I wouldn’t think about having sex with them at all anymore. Everyone knows people who have had friendships, future partners; anything messed up because they decided to engage themselves sexually. You can’t have all the benefits of a relationship with someone and then try to build a relationship afterward. I’m not saying it hasn’t been done in the past, but this is a different day. How many people really once they had sex with someone, thought in their head oh man I can’t wait to marry this person we need to get engaged like right now. That mess doesn’t happen and if it does that person is probably a weirdo or a virgin. That milk doesn’t just include sex, it includes all benefits involving relationships, cooking, cleaning, and living together….speaking of living together

Boyfriend/Girlfriend #2

In this world we have people and most have relationships with other people, but sometimes they may get unhappy, or just bored in said relationship. Then they go out and meet another person who they feel like is the missing piece to there puzzle or maybe they just need to unwind with something new. This is for all the boyfriend/girlfriend number 2‘s out there. The people who go into relationships with people knowing that they have major attachments already, or sometimes you don’t find out until its to late that they were just the side piece. 

 

Dear BF/GF #2,

 

                     You are the side dish, sidepiece, appetizer, whatever it is that you call your self nowadays. You are the person who only gets calls when your “friend” leaves the house, is at work, or is going home. You are the person in their phone by your last name, or maybe Bob and Jim when your really Beth and Sarah. You are the person who puts up with late night visits in lieu of real dates because you can’t be seen out in public with each other (unless your with somebody really bold, or you guys went to another town for your date). You ever notice that if yall do go somewhere you have to drive your car, or they meet you at the rendezvous (which probably only happens at night). You are the person who tells yourself that you can control your feelings for your “friend” but yet you get upset when they tell you they can’t call you for a couple of days because they are not in town. You sometimes find your self feeling as if you are getting neglected because your “friend” had to stay home with the BF/GF/Fiancé/Wife/Husband you get the point right. The thing is that you have a person who is selfish that wants their cake and eat it too. Your “friend” is getting the best of both worlds while you twiddle your thumbs in the hopes that they might text you tonight. You see that right there I said text because to actually call you would be to much, calling lets you hear emotion, you can read more from a voice conversation than from someone sending you a text about the same thing. How many times does it take you texting them for them to finally reply. When you do finally get together your “friend” only has one thing on their mind, they don’t want to know how your week (because its probably been a week since you last seen them, hey you can’t be late home everyday) has been, if you finally got that raise at work, they are there for one thing only-to get some and bounce. Sometimes you may get the ones who have true emotions for you and who really want to care about you, who may even love you in their own little warped way, but are stuck in a situation where its best to be in a place where they feel the most pain, than be with the person who truly makes them happy. Those situations are the ones were it will leave you in the worst shape. With every bit of emotion they show towards you, you will find yourself giving it back two fold. You will do this because you want them to see that you are better than the person they are with, that the feelings that they feel when they are around you can only be caused by you. But the reality is that they will never leave their BF/GF/Wife/Husband/Fiancé for you. You my friend will always be the cube steak to the filet minion they have at home. Don’t get me wrong cube steak is good, but filet minion is better. That person they leave at home for you, has something about them that makes them constantly go back them. They have some need that only their BF/GF/Wife/Husband/Fiancé can help or fix, whether it be a child, finances, a home, cars, family ties, hell even a job sometimes(bosses need love too). Do you know what comes from being a BF/GF #2 nothing but heartache, regret, and unrequited love. But even when people know all these things they still put themselves thru the motions of this elaborate game. They still carry that small flame in their heart that one day their “friend” will allow them to take the place of BF/GF/Wife/Husband/Fiancé #1, and if it does happen what makes you think that when yall get together that there won’t be a new BF/GF/Wife/Husband/Fiancé #2.

 

Dear…..

Dear Lord,

Thank you for waking me up this morning and allowing me to live another day. Thank you for my friend’s lord who without them I would be going through much more than I am now. Thank you for always letting someone comes into my life that will do nothing but enhance it, at every chance they get (even though they get on my nerves a lot). When I feel like I can’t go on, the people you put in my life are right there to help me get back up. Thank you for the one who smiles all the time, to remind me of what I’m missing in life. To let me see that there is always something worth working for if you want it bad enough. Thank you lord for the leader, who even though she doesn’t want she always is leading the way, thank you for the grace and nobility that she bestows upon all around her. Thank you for the talker, who has the time to do more than humanly possible. who even though she gets on my nerves sometime I know she will always have her sisters back (I love you girl). Thank you for the baby (also the mother), for letting her be the reason we stayed in some nights, it was your will lord. Thank you for the fighter, who will never give up on me, and will always be there to protect his friend and will love me even though I ignore him. Thank you for the gentlemen, who will never let you make a fool out of yourself, who is also the unbridled mind. Thank you for the captain who will always find a way to make you laugh. Thank you for the enemies that line my path leading me to my destiny. I love all you guys…

I thank you for my parents; even though they couldn’t do everything that I wanted them to do they did what they could. The more I look back on my childhood; I realize that I had a good life. I would sit and complain about what I didn’t have, when all I needed was right in front of me. I never knew how much my mother especially sacrificed to make sure her baby had what she needed. I sit and think about all those times my mom would come in at 2 in the morning, working all day but she still had a smile on her face no matter what. She never let anyone see her down; she would always try to cheer up if she saw me coming. Thank you for letting me be my mothers comfort.

Thank you for the many wonderful years I spent with my grandmother, whom I still love dearly today (3 yr and 2 mths after her death). I remember when Uncle Charles died and I saw the hurt on my peoples face. I said to myself I don’t want to feel that. So I remember I would pray and pray every year after my birthday….please let my grandmother live until I graduate middle school, and then it turned into high school, and then it was let her live until . I continually kept asking more and more of the lord to keep my grandma alive. I never realized that I was being selfish in my prays. I never thought that my grandmother was really hurting on the inside. She never let the pain show, no matter what she felt. I remember praying the weeks that she was in the hospital last year lord please let her live, don’t take away the person I loved the most in this whole world. I was at the hospital everyday sitting at her bedside, and every night I would cry looking at her body crumble before my eyes. I remember that Friday my mom called me, and said that my grandmother wasn’t going to make it. The doctor had let her come home to die my mother had told me. I fell to my knees crying in my room, my room mates came to comfort me. There was no comfort for this, this feeling that I was feeling. I didn’t know what to do; I raced home to sit at her bedside. I can still see her in my dreams I remember the way she looked at that moment, I can still hear her chest rattling as she tried to breathe, feel her weak heartbeat through her chest. I remember crying for days at a time when I was there. What I remember most about my grandmas death was her calling my name the night I went back to school, my mom told me she called out my name all night…and I wasn’t there to answer her call. The one time in about the 10 or more years that I had been taking care of her, I missed her call. I wasn’t there when she needed me the most; it was like I had failed at my mission. I came back the next day and sat by her bed side, feeling horrible. I remember telling her that I loved her, that I loved her with all my heart.  If I could I would have given my heart to her, if that would have made her live one more day, I would have gave my life for my grandmother. But that’s not what she would have wanted me to do, she wanted me to grow up, go to college, find a husband, have kids, and have a career. She taught to get what I wanted out of life, she told me in her own way to never settle for when I could easily get first. Thank you lord for the heartache that mad me stronger. Thank you for letting me learn that my purpose was yet to be found.

Thank you for building me up from nothing and helping to turn me into what I am today. Yes there will be troubles that always stand in your path but you must do nothing but face then straight ahead. Running away from your problem is not the answer to anything, and gong around it will only find you right back to where you left from. Seek victory and you will find it, seek failure and it will find you. Thank you for the challenges that I must face to be who I am to be.

Signs your still not over an ex….

So lately it has been an interesting time in my life. It has seemed like everyone that I have ever dated has been making random sexy appearances in my life. While doing so, they have flooded my mind back up to many memories that I have been trying to keep in the back of my head. So in retrospect I have come to the realization that I may not be fully done getting with Mr.Awesome over some. Most of the time for me the best way to get over someone is not to be around them at all, to delete there phone number, giving your friends that little pep talk about how your now exes name is like a curse upon there future children should not be mentioned in your presence anymore, unless they want to deal with the tear fest that will ensue. So I have come up with this handy list of ways to know that you are indeed not over that person.

 

1. If EVERYTIME you walk by one of the places you had a date at and you go awwwwwwwwww this is where                    took me

2. If your friends get tired of you telling them about the places so they subconsciously stop going near said places.

3. If you see them and you stop midsentence and just stare

4. If after that mid sentence pause you finally start talking only to not make sense to anyone around you, NOT even you.

5. If every time you read their name on a piece of paper you get a tingle that runs through your body

6.  You sometimes find yourself watching their favorite TV show even though you hate it

7. Every time you hear “their” song you listen and jam to it but you really got tired of it months ago

8. You still hate the thought of seeing them with other people

9. Every time you listen to a certain song, you always think of what they said after that song went off. “we definitely didn’t take it      , and         .” 

10. You find yourself wanting to see them and then when you do you wish you hadn’t

11. You find yourself ignoring every other man who has come around because they not going to treat you like “he” did

12. You find yourself finding other miniature versions of them

So I’m not a Dr or anything but I’m thinking if you said yes to at least three of these things that you are probably not over who ever your ex is. Really and truly though the only thing that is ever going to heal you is time and lots of it.  More to come I’m in a writing mood today. Next up: Does Age Really Matter

Purgatory

Purgatory

Can I love again

Why would I let my heart strain,

Under the weight of your deceit

Why should I allow tears to flow

Never have I felt like this

I hate that I love you with a vengeance

So sick

Letting me down so many times

Thinking it was me,

Feeling as if I was the problem

Was I doing something wrong

My eyes saw the truth,

There’s no denying that at all

Say what you will but I knew

And I know now

My soul feels crushed

My body is void

Feeling as if I’m trapped

In the purgatory of you

Would I rather walk forever

This burden strapped to my chest

Forever feeling the emptiness inside

Is it just a dream, a test of sorts?

Let me wake up

Free me of this hell

Hurt must be in love with me

Feeling his arrows deep within this tomb

Knowing forever it will follow me

It will come back to you

You will feel this grief

This pain will take over

That will be my vengeance

What is it

What is it about me?

That makes you stumble

But never in the right direction

What is it about me?

That makes you stay

But never around for to long

What is it about me?

That makes you afraid

Never knowing what may be

What is it about me?

That makes you happy

But never taking it for what it is

What is it about me?

That grabs your attention

Is it just a fad?

What is it about you?

That keeps me on my feet

Wishing that it could be

What is it about you?

That haunts my dreams

But never my reality

What is it about you?

That makes me scared

Never knowing if your alone

What is it about you?

That gives me satisfaction

But at your discretion

What is it about us?

Ox and Rat

Ox and Rat

1986

An OX was born

SHE is strong but quiet

Sincere but mischievous

Patient but stubborn

Serious but careful

Lover and a fighter

Fulfiller of needs

Giver of desires

Temptress of fate

Her grace is hidden

Shyness prevails

1984

A rat was born

HE is captivating and charming

Humorous but serious

Strong headed but willing

Wounded but growing

Friend to all but loyal to few

Secrets and confessions

Lust and truth

Giver of desires

Fulfiller of needs

Tempter of my fate

He is the free spirit

1984

A rat is born

HE is captivating and charming

Humorous but serious

Close-minded to most

Loved by many

Content but looking

Loyalty unbridled

Protector of the lost

Passion and truth

Secrets and confessions

Giver of desires

Fulfiller of needs

Tempter of my fate

He is love

2009

Ox and Rats together

Friction seals it

Filling up

The crater in my heart

Troubles run through it

Piece by piece the crater breaks

Time after time I am lost

Discovering the less you seek

The more you find

LOVE over pouring

Stretched out to limits unheard

Satisfaction diminishing

Faced with no end

There is no grace period this is the end